a week
Well, it's been a week and I said I wouldn't blog about it, but here I am doing that very thing. A week ago today my sweetie would've turned 27. Yeah, like y'all didn't know I robbed the cradle! I didn't want to blog about it because in my new attitude toward blogging, I'm trying to be uplifting, not depressing. Regardless, I kept thinking about writing something. I don't know if it's acknowledgement I'm needing on his behalf or if I'm being led to say it aloud. Last week it was the first day back from break, so I had so much going on that I know God put it out of my mind. That is until I went to bed. Then it started to bother me. Luckily, my superfriend is on speed dial and she was able to comfort me. I don't know what I'd have done for the last year if not for my friends. Funny how God strengthens the relationships you desperately need right before something tragic happens. Anyway, as I went to sleep I sang happy birthday and snuggled with his pillow that still carries a faint scent of his cologne (yes, I make sure it does).
This grief thing is so wierd. One minute I'm thinking of what we'll do when he gets home from work, the next, I realize he's not coming home. Why do I forget? Why do I keep having to remind myself? Why after this amount of time do I still feel the need to talk to him? Call him on the phone? Offer his help to friends in need? Then realize he's not there to help anymore.... Why is my brain still trying to make sense of it all?
Why do I get over the hump and look up to see another mountain?
But God has carried me through everyday, and I know he will continue to place his hand on my back and gently push me as I get back on my feet.
posted by angi at 11:31 PM
4 Comments:
For starters this is YOUR blog this is for you to express yourself whether it is good or bad. Sometimes you just have to let go. If anyone has a problem with reading your blog and it being depressing that is their own fault and those individuals do not have to read your blog. This forum (in my opinion) is not your self help book for other people and if it helps...we did know what last Monday was and we have not forgotten. Being positive and expressing your feelings are two different things. Not all people can think positive and be positive also without letting some things out. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it.
I agree with anonymous that it's your blog and you can cry of you want to. I'll still read it. You read all of my ramblings good and bad! ;) I'm glad you called me that night as you have so many other nights. I'm with you the whole way my friend...as long as it takes...
I miss him too. Love you! <><
I think that this is a great idea to express whatever you are feeling! I think that it is great to have wonderful mememories of kyle that is God's way of saying that he is ok and that things will be ok! YOu are supposed to go through this on this journey of life it is what God has in store for you! YOu have become such a stronger lady and such a great role model for getting through things that you think that you don't have any strength left to get through something! I admire you angie what a courageouse lady you are! I think that is great that you still talk to him and still smell him every night these small things are what will help you get up the next morning and start a new day!I miss you lots and always think of you!
love summer
Yeah...what they said! I know how it is with blogging and not keeping up with it...I have the same problem. Of course, I've been a little distracted lately. :) I can't believe he would just be 27; he was so mature I was sure he almost 30 3 or 4 years ago! No comment about robbing the cradle. :) Hang in there sister, and know that I'm here if you need anything...we need to talk and catch up anyway! Missed you at church, and hope you're feeling better!
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