Let this day pass....

I couldn't let this day pass without a word... Thanks Niki for reminding me that I never post anymore. I'm using the excuse that life is too crazy. I've been incredibly busy with school starting, moving, moving sales and just life in general. I haven't taken the time to pour my heart out on here lately. I will not apologize, because I've come to realize that my blog is for me and what I need to get off my chest. I appreciate the encouragement I get from my friends here, but that is not the reason I write. I'm practicing a form of therapy here and lately I've been doing okay; atleast I tell myself that I am. But I couldn't let this day pass without a word....

I introduced my pain to a new group of people tonight at my BSF class. I had gone all day without a tear, but surrounded by other Christian women who I know love me without even knowing me, I broke loose and let go. I let them see a glimpse of my pain, and it hurt like new all over again. The good news is I know they'll pray for me. One of the ladies patted me on the back and said simply, "You're so strong." I didn't have the heart to tell her, 'No, I'm just a good faker.' I later realized that I'm neither strong nor a faker. I'm a child of God. He loves me and knows my pain and at times when I'm too weak to stand, too weak to speak out, too weak to even draw a breath, He's there. He stands behind me and picks me up, opens my mouth and breathes his life into me. That, my friends, is strength. Not what I am, but what God is through me.
My misery is my ministry and I pray God continues to touch others through my pain. It's easy for me to seek sympathy, but I'm working on letting God fix my brokenness and showing others his power through "my strength."


Thank you for your prayers, and if you knew Kyle, I thank God that He touched your life through my wonderful husband.