uneasy....

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, just the blogosphere. In some ways that may be a good thing. If no one expects me to blog, then they won't check or read my blog and therefore can't be pissy about whatever I say (insert evil 'kiss my rear' laugh here). You ever get caught up in all that you have to do that hours become days become weeks become months? And then you realize you've not gotten anything done at all. Frustration doesn't begin to describe the way I've felt lately. *NEGATIVITY ALERT* It's not just one thing, it's everything. personal, job, family friends, money, you name it. And as usual it'll come to a head and it did just that today. I finally contacted an agent about selling my house. Don't get me wrong, I should've done it a year ago, but today after I did, I realized why I've procrastinated. I felt sick afterwards. I didn't know whether cry, put my head down on the desk and pass out, scream, or curl up in the corner and die. I had no idea I would react in such a way. I tried to call a friend and talk about it, but couldn't bring myself to complain to her about it. She has her own stuff to deal with. I realized on the way home it was the final act. When the house is gone, that chapter is over. OVER. We signed on that house the week we were married, moved in a month later. It's where we lived our life. Some have questioned how I could have walked back into that house in the first place, now I'm having a hard time letting it go.
I'm trying to move on, but it hurts way more that I expected.