Ain't no cure....
for the summertime blues... Everybody knows that song, right? Or am I just exceptionally old now? Summer is always a mixed blessing for me. I LOVE the time I get off each summer as a teacher, and I've been able to spend that time off with ones I love but don't get to see often enough. But on the other hand, I HATE the heat. I also have a tendency to become a mental and physical slug. I know, big surprise. This summer is no different with the heat and slug thing, and I did go visit family for a while, but I feel like I've missed out on some other things. Two people in particular, I've missed seeing this summer that I see every summer. I just couldn't afford the trip this year. I ended up having to talk to them over the phone and feeling awful that I wasn't there with them. I hung up feeling completely isolated from them both, which to me is a tragedy, because I just don't think they know how much I love them. Pathetic. Someone who's experienced loss like I have should know the importance of expressing love to the ones most important in life. Isn't it funny how we are saddened at the loss of a friend or family member, and we promise ourselves we'll change. We think life is like the movies and in the end we'll realize the error of our ways before it's too late and have a grand reunion and live happily ever after. But life is not like the movies. Sometimes we don't get that second chance. Sometimes we do but take it for granted and forget what's important yet again. I don't want to be that person anymore, but how do I change me? It's easy enough to tell other people what they need to change about themselves and how to do it... but how do I change me?
I've been thinking a lot lately about change. How scary it is when I am choosing it, but how easy it is for me to deal with when it's thrust upon me. Maybe I need to come to the conclusion that I have no choice. I can't allow myself to be afraid. Maybe I need to put myself in a sink or swim situation where I know that I am the only one who can save me. Maybe it's time.... time for what? I'll let you know.
posted by angi at 1:10 PM
3 Comments:
glad to hear from you!!!!!! hang in there! miss you!!!!!!!!
glad to hear from you! hang in there!!! it all happens for a reason!!!! miss you!!
love summer
Ah, yes I remember the song well, so I guess that makes me about as old as you now! :)
Not being where you want to be and where you feel your heart is and should be can really SUCK! I unfortunately know that all too well & have had a few tastes of that myself lately.
We haven't been in contact enough lately for me to know exactly what you are refering to when you talk about putting yourself into a sink or swim situation, but I want to share a little bit with you about something that God has done in my life in the past few weeks that I hope may give you some encouragement.
I was in a very difficult situation at work, not sure what to do, etc. & finally I couldn't not ignore the facts any longer, I HAD to get out of there, even if it meant doing temp work or taking a night shift job at the gas station down the street. I gave my notice at work and THE VERY NEXT DAY I had an interview after which I was offered a new job with better benefits, environment, etc.
In so many other ways & various circumstances over the years, God has stepped in and done that in my life, but one of the common threads in each of those times required the first initial action on my part and that is the courage & the faith to step out and take that first "leap of faith" to walk off the proverbial ledge. Just when you are prepared to "sink or swim" yourself, HE will amaze you and step in and give you the strength to soar, But you have to be willing to take the first step. I know you have it in you to do it, I pray you will find the courage and strength needed for this, if that is where He is trying to nudge you towards.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. You can feel free to get in touch with me if you'd like.
Love,
Stephanie
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